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Jun. 6th, 2006

(no subject)

You knew I would update for the hell of it. Don't lie.

So I turned 19. That's something new. Then I did this thing called graduation. Wow that was a beast. Talk about confusion, things were really crazy. I won't lie and say that I cried and was over-emotional. I'm ready to move on. I had a good time...

So what's next? I'll tell you what's next. Finland.

Turku Finland to be exact. So many people stop and ask if I'm scared out of my mind, that or they ask what language they speak and often make up a language in the process. I won't say that I'm scared. I'll be surrounded by people who know what they're doing. I will say that I am a bit nervous. What am I supposed to expect? There's no doubt that the people I'm leaving here are going to change lots while I'm away, I only hope to change myself for the better. Haha at the same time I can't think of anything more exciting.

I'm thinking that I have to start a new blog to inform everyone this coming August. Any suggestions? Or should I just stay with this? I'm sure I'll have to get everyone's info so e-mails can be sent. Lord only knows how I'll keep in contact with anyone.

Oh and I don't know any Finnish. Well I know one phrase but don't ask me to spell it. School might be a little rough.

Nov. 6th, 2005

So I guess I can do it... because I was tagged. but I won't tag anyone else

Rules of the game: Post 5 WEIRD and RANDOM facts about yourself, then at the end of the list the names of 5 people who are next in line to do this. Also leave a comment on their blog/xanga to let them know.

1.) I can't drive with shoes on, and yes I know it's illegal.

2.) I hate the taste of ham...

3.) Julie has made a soft spot in my heart for 90's pop music (Spice Girls, NSYNC)

4.) I hope I get sent to the Netherlands next year just so I can see Amsterdam

5.) I got first chair at Honors Band again this year when I am still totally convinced I don't deserve it.

Sep. 1st, 2005

I want to be where I've never been before

I scratched my face on a mohawk today. Yes, a mohawk.

I had an earlier run in with the kid coming from stats, but this happening just takes the cake.

After he makes a sudden stop his mohawk hits my face, like in my mouth face. Mind you this kid has to be no older than 12, and no taller than 5 feet.

Me:" Can you never do that again? please?"
Boy: "Don't dry and intimidate me"
Me: "I would just appreciate it, I mean I don't like the taste of your hair" (I don't think he heard me)
Boy: "somereallyinarticulatejunkthatI'llneverbeabletounderstand"

So he runs away. haha I hope you thought that was just as amusing as I did. probably not.

Anyways, high school is good. I mean I can sit through all of my classes and somewhat enjoy them. Sintobin's class is actually going pretty smoothly, I can handle it. I actually enjoy the fact that I have POD and HSS, it's entertaining. The difference between the two classes this year is huge, so except for current events, it's not repetitive.

I need to learn to spelllll.

So everything's light and fluffy again. It's high school, why not? I can get a laugh out of a lot, and I'm not taking myself seriously. ever. As long as I keep a good outlook I think this year will fly by.

Jun. 25th, 2005

(no subject)

So I'm currently in the middle of Boston, which has been nothing but amazing. I'm not in the room I was assinged to, but yet everything is good. My roommate, Stef, is intense. I can only go into more details when I get home. It's just been so amazing walking through the city without any constraints, terrific. Meeting new people has been good too, I mean that whole fear I had about making friends was stupid.

Jun. 3rd, 2005

so put down that book, it's too serious

Really, when did my social activities take such a wild turn. I don't get it at all to tell you the truth. One minute it was the same old same old then it was random trips to Meadville and Cranberry, and a trip to wal mart with practically the whole university theatre department. I don't reallly know which is better, and I don't think I can really say.

I just want to be comfortable.

That's my life-long quest, to be comfortable. I can't really think of another word to describe it. I just want things to make sense, and for my heart to feel warm. This is such a common aspiration, I'm sure.

I could have never guessed that I would be the person I am today. And anymore lately I don't know if it's good or not. I'm tired of keeping up this facade and air about me. This is who I am, this is how I should act. I don't want to listen to the comments made behind my back at the lifestyle I have chosen. Truth is, I'm weak, I do care about how the others feel in general, and about me. It all goes back to feeling comfortable.

May. 27th, 2005

(no subject)

I went to the doctor's office today, and everyone knows that's a good time. Nah, I was just coughing out a suspicious white puss-like substance. My throat still hurts a bit, but I still have a voice and I can eat solid foods. So all in all it's not that bad, it just makes me really tired.

Speaking of tired....

You brought me chicken soup today. You told me that you were leaving, transferring, whatever. I didn't care, I was kind of relieved. This is good for me.

What's happened in the last two weeks?
It's really been a whirlwind of stuff. I couldn't even give you a day by day account, even if you wanted one. I do remember Jordan's last minute call last weekend, going to eat n park twice that night, random trip to Brookville, random voice messages. Just plain random. Then I was sort of stressed this week for finals but all went well. I probably could have done better on math, had I the urge when I got back from the outlets to do anything. Although the outlets was a good time. Jordan in girl pants = hysterical, Jordan in girl pants with an I <3 party girls shirt= a life making moment. Acctually I might have exaggerated that last statement. I can't help but feel like I wasn't my full self, ah well, too late now.

May. 16th, 2005

you'll float by again

Let me just start by saying it's effin freezing in here.

So yesterday was my 18th birthday and all went pretty well. I woke up and on my kitchen table was a new cell phone box and a gift card for old navy, both of which I was thankful for. Without a word from my parents I left for Pittsburgh. Although I'm a bit burnt I still had a good time. Especially when Brian admitted to the whole section that Jason Bay was hot, I even think Jason Bay himself heard it. Later on I wanted to buy something I hadn't been able to buy for the first 18 years of my life but I got too tired. I will get right on that misson, right now I just have to be content knowing I'm legal.

and I must say that my life is not nearly as cheesy as Betsey makes it seem. She's good at attempting to put things together in the most cheeseball way possible.

but anyways..Things have come back around. I can't say that I don't like it like this, it's just something that I've forgotten. To tell you the truth I'm not suprised by this new course of events. I want to be happy again.

I got a whole thing in the mail today about extra long sheets. How much does that rock?

May. 9th, 2005

(no subject)

"She like wanted to have a threesome with me and I was like...'dude I'm a lesbian'...oh wait hahahaha"

I'm soooooo glad Jordan is back.

May. 3rd, 2005

(no subject)

School updates are now my life.

I'm being a good kid unlike Brandon, and updating this.

In the words of Simple Plan "Shut up, Shut Up, don't wanna hear you"

or better put by Brittany. "Shut up, Shut up" hard self ashamed sigh, "Fuck"

This is good. Something to take the pressure off from home. I know that you know, and I know that you told. Sure this is going to be uncomfortable, but all I really want is a reason that you needed to do this to me. You knew right where it would count, didn't you? Well, just deal. I guess.

May. 1st, 2005

(no subject)

I was so tired last night that I slept in my clothes. This was probably the most uncomfortable expierence I've ever had. It's not like I was sleeping on some couch after some long night either, there I was at 10:30, in my bed for the night, in my clothes that I had been wearing all day.

It was actually kind of sad, waking up in the morning and realizing that I was just that unmotivated. Maybe I was looking for some reason or way to show my bum attitude, but that doesn't make sense, nobody would see me. It was just the end of a long misplaced day. As I tried to shake off the death grip my jeans formed to my calf, I realized that this was too weird for me. Someone reading this would probably be thinking "what kind of importance does sleeping in your clothes have?", it seems like something I should put in the box of weird decisions I've been making. When I was little, I would do the weird things to almost tell myself that something needed changed, or that I just wasn't that happy. Or at least that's what I was told by those people who are paid to tell me what my weird quirks mean. Most of the time I was just confused...nothing ever meant anything to me. Which led to the idea of me really covering up my lack of care by working so hard to make certain people happy, to win people over. Because when I can win people over, they'll never wonder if I care or not. But now that I've gotten way off of subject...actually I just go circles, right? Somehow this all comes back to me being sad that I slept in my clothes. I never have known how to detect if something is right or not, even in my own life. This has all really sent me diving head first into what I was told when I was younger. I thought I grew up, I know how to deal with this. No it's not tragic, I know my soul is not black and that I will live. There's no point in me trying to make sense of the clothes I woke up in this morning. Maybe I really am trying to tell myself something. Maybe I just need to keep myself preoccupied from now on.

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